Letter 9, 8 October 2001,

Dear Mom and Dad,

Last week I started having dreams about more terrorist attacks and escalating violence and not know if anything like grad school, or jobs, or infrastructure, would be around after Peace Corps. I'd been feeling kinda down and lonely and in my dream I was evacuated from Gabon and because of all the attacks PC wouldn't let us go back or reapply. I got really mad (in the dream) because I wanted my 2 years, my experience. When I woke up I was startled -- ok, I'm still here, there hasn't been another attack, and I'm still in PC. It both aggravated and eased my loneliness - I'm more appreciative of being here but with all the craziness, and now US retaliation (BBC emphasizes US-British military action) I miss you a lot. The postal strike means this will be a while in getting to you, but it makes me feel better to write, even if the pile of letters on my shelf only gets bigger.

Chikwang is doing well, and comes when I call her, and is almost old enough for a flea collar, which hopefully will help. My house will have a guest bed tonight, and I'm getting used to the nightly routine of sweeping the tiny red biting ants off my sheets. School starts this week and Mike and I might be teaching English. Yikes. We both have these ideals of being a cool teacher but I think it's going to be very rough. All the lycée guys hit on me (all the guys, except the Malians, who are polite, hit on me) and there's good chance that they won't care if I'm their teacher or not.

At the hospital we're still waiting on the sage femme and doctor, but today I made 8 page (1 sheet, doublesided, folded up and cut) weaning recipe handouts to give to the women who come for baby weighing. I don't know how successful they'll be, seems like it would be better to show them, but it's better than just shouting recipés at them like we do currently. The problem is cost -- one copy costs me 400, and if I just pay for it it's not sustainable. So we'll see.

I spend a lot of time at home, glued to the radio, which now is just the strikes over and over again. I have plans for a garden but no tools and no seeds. My fridge is still in Mouila but I don't miss it really. I have cocoa in the morning, a sandwich or couscous for lunch, and something for dinner. I'm getting fat snacking on peanut butter but running seems to weird. Plus I've never been able to keep it up. Maybe once I get busier at the lycée and at the hospital.

I met Seydou, a really good tailor from Senegal who's super trustworthy (since 1998 at least). He told us the Kamba, who was the health PCV in 98-00, is finishing school in London and is gonna wear a suit and tie and be a "grand type" -- a rich/powerful guy. Everyone knew him, he was always out playing basketball (he had a 4 year scholarship at Stanford), he never slept, super nice. Afterwards Mike and I felt kinda inadequate. "Even at the beginning he was always out!" OK. Well, I can't be friendly with everyone because it's flirting, but I can do more. Especially once school starts, with clubs and classes and sports and animations. My natural reluctance is clashing with my guilty conscience -- people expect more from me! Patience :) I haven't even been here a month.

October 9 - I got my new bed and it's so nice I'm keeping it for myself. I'll send pics of the house once I feel it's well set up. We went by the school this morning and observed a 7th grade English class - the prof is older and great and since there are so many classes Mike and I are gonna teach. He's not doing anything and Ineed to be busy and useful, so it seems like a good idea. I guess the kids are pretty wild, especially in the middle grades, because they just go to school to kill time or satisfy their families. I'll be the only woman teacher. Still, it can't hurt, and I'll learn a lot, and right now I'm psyched to do it, so we'll see how it goes.

October 14th - So far the classes are ok and I feel up to dealing with the kids. It is a BIG PLUS to have French and experience with draguers because you can use a lot of the same techniques with the kids. Actually, it's more of my attitude towards (what I perceive as) rudeness and strength to be tough with people. Not all the kids are even here yet (2 weeks after the 1st day!) so it's sure to get worse when all 40 or 50 of them are in the room. So far so good, but the novelty will wear off, and I'll have to think of new ways to entertain them and make them learn. No textbooks, dark echoey crowded classrooms, but Mike's idea is to have them create their own textbook with the lessons they copy every class. It just might work.

Hopefully I'll have talked to you by the time you get this - I'm having a hard time with all the shit going down and bombings and anthrax and I can't wait to talk to you and see things from your perspective rather than these awful-but-calmly-deliverred BBC reports. I'm in good spirits most of the time -- little victories and then there are the times when I don't know if the world will still be around in 2 years. I am very insulated here - the global recession can't touch us because it's already pretty recessed here anyway, and politics are very local. The Muslims talk about the US and Afghanistan, but they're all W. African and therefore very nonviolent. They hate being associated with Arabs and stress that Arabs are a different kind of Muslim, they hold grudges forever and act in revenge, while the Malians et al are forgiving and pro-US (though not pro-war). I just can't see any kind of good coming out of this, it's sure to created more hatred and more support and willingness to do awful things all over the world.

I hope the stupid post office stops striking because I really need some mail and packages. We finally visited Tracy and Julie in Lebamba, and we're going to Mouila Tues and Wes. and then I'm seeing Kara in Tchibanga the 20th. It's definitely time to see people and get and give support. Sometimes I suddenly realize - hey, I'm in Peace Corps, just like I always wanted/hoped, I am the strong person who does this sort of thing. Pretty cool. Righty - that's about it. I love you and miss you lots. Keep plugging away on the books and enjoy your variety of good food! :)

Love,

Hannah